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SPOLETO

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touches of TABOO: part 2 - reality is not always, Spoleto's INFAMOUS bridge & ..................................................... my personal journey of suicidal ideation

PRACTICAL MAGIC

Genre: - Comedy, Romance, Mystery, science-fiction-and-fantasy

The wry, comic romantic tale follows the Owens sisters, Sally and Gillian, as they struggle to use their hereditary gift for practical magic to overcome the obstacles in discovering true love.

Reality is not always... what we ever thought is would be. It takes a lifetime of learning to some times learn, that how we were raised, what we saw, events that personally touched us, are not often right or fair. Then there is the whole idea, that what we learned may not even be right or even abusive. 


I chose the movie image above because it is a story of 3 sisters, THE OWENS SISTERS... in reality, we were 5 sisters by birth and 1 semi adopted foster sister growing up in this home of abuse. The sisters in this movie are trying to cast and un-cast spells to break the witch craft and evil events of their families past. SO for this, the movie was totally a good fit!


I was 20 years old when an outside professional wanted to bring to my attention that the war zone of a family I was raised in was really, really screwed up!


I was not even open to discussing as the entire ICE AGE in my heart was the only way I knew. Image all the years and dollars I have spent trying to find me, trying to understand why I am the way I am, and why I have carried so many things I didn't even remember the events of...


But my subconscious remembered and my body remembered but I, "Frances" could not. Maybe the whole idea of legally changing my name form FRANCES ELIZABETH to FRANCESCA ELISABETTA was part of my subconscious escape plan...


This issues discussed here will be real, blunt, honest and desperate at times, though that is not my life now. I have been spending a life time remembering the unbearable through darkness of body memory flash backs, and nightmares.


In this mini series touches of TABOO in different parts, I will unload my body of the guilt I have carried that was not mine.


Hopefully at some time the subconscoius suicidal ideation will leave with it. It was a bad habit I picked up early to say, I will either survive and rise above the abuse or I will end it.


At 49.5 years old, I am not afraid to be honest. I have always been honest but NO ONE wants YOU to talk about suicidal problems. What would they prefer... to find their child, their wife, their husband or mother at the bottom of out infamous bridge? The suicides here off of our brings are ringing in too many to count, and that's just this year. Then time sit by the history of this bridge...


I will stick myself out there for those who have this inner suffering like me.

our new word of the day... Imprinting (psychology)

After about a 5 minute heated debate of what word my Italian therapist Luciano thought he was pronouncing correctly in English, we finally arrived at the word.


It always surprises me when an Italian corrects my pronunciation of an ENGLISH word. Since they use so many of our words, they have come to believe they know how to pronounce it better than us and that we have it all wrong.


We stepped over to the "spell it in Italian" and it didn't work. Then the "spell it in English" and there was no improvement either in identifying the word. Finally I handed him my computer and said JUST TYPE IT PLEASE or put me out of my misery!


Well, the word was IMPRINTING in the psychological sense.... o.k. what the hell does that means.... 


He was trying to tell me that any negative voices or self critical phrases I say to myself quietly are not really my words and feelings but the voices that were imprinted there from my severe childhood abuse.


"Imprinting is the term used in psychology and ethology to describe any kind of phase-sensitive learning (learning occurring at a particular age or a particular life stage) that is rapid and apparently independent of the consequences of behavior. It was first used to describe situations in which an animal or person learns the characteristics of some stimulus, which is therefore said to be "imprinted" onto the subject. Imprinting is hypothesized to have a critical period."


So even though my life has finally begun to stabilize this new year from a 4 plus year medical crisis, the negative voices of my youth seem to be squeezing in.


My goal over these next few weeks is to catch those voices and do something. Actually I have forgotten what I am supposed to do. I guess I have to wait a week to ask and relearn my instructions. I think for now, I need to isolate the negative judgement that comes in and ask, is this me and my feelings or is this the abusive voice from my childhood via my parents.


I do remember when an ex boyfriend's mother (Audrey) wanted me to imprint her new colt, MIDNIGHT. She had me visit frequently, sit and lye with her to establish a bond. Then over those 1st 6 months with MIDNIGHT I was to rub her ears and snout to let MIDNIGHT get used to being caressed. Audrey said she will grow up being a calmer horse and will look for affection from people. 


I guess it worked as some time later MIDNIGHT would follow me around the pen and then one time bit me on my ass cheek leaving teeth marks bruises so as to get my attention to not walk away from her. So I guess it worked.


Unfortunately my mother's technique to imprint us (5 daughters) was to make us believe the abuse was all normal. 


She needed for me to enmesh with her and used art, art and more art as our way to bond. It was all she had to give as she allowed our father to mental, emotionally, and physically abuse us.


Isn't it interesting that ART was the main thing in addition to my girls that helped me get through my post stroke nervous breakdowns and suicidal period....?


Art for me is my life and my future and my recovery and my stability!

my 9 cat lives - which life time?

"My legacy is too big for one lifetime, it's just I do not know which passageways to embroider for a seamless, tranquil, & enlightened return..."

Francesca Owens

signing off on your art legacy

MY ARTICLE REPRINT FROM: 
ROBERT GLENN's THE PAINTERS KEYS

"Yesterday, Jamillah Ausby of Brooklyn, New York wrote, My husband, the abstract artist Ellsworth Ausby, passed on March 6th. I have a lot of his art which I would love to sell. He wanted exhibitions in Europe, Africa, and all around the world. His one request was to divide the money between his three daughters and son. I plan to clean out his studio, take photos, set up a web site and hopefully I'll find a dealer or a gallery to sell his work. What do you suggest?" 

First I send my thoughts to Ellsworth's family. I want to share what I am in the process of dealing with my own legacy. I have been working on setting up a non-profit organization to be the vehicle to hold my art activity during my life, after my passing and hopeful for my artist legacy.

One of the problems is the family sells the art for almost nothing and then, after in time the prices grow without the family being involved. I have 2 daughters and possibly a sister's daughter who I want to be involved in my art legacy.

This is the feedback I received from attorneys and business professionals:

1) Create the non-profit with a thorough enough scope to grow bigger later. Going back and changing your objectives later is near impossible so be thorough for the non-profit vision to have levels.

2) Have the original pieces continue to be owned by the family in some contract form. Then lease to the non-profit the permission to use for free the exhibition and possibly the resale of limited edition reprints for the benefit of the non-profit.

3) By keeping the ownership of the originals outside the non-profit, ownership is maintained by the family.

4) Don't break up the exhibition by selling it. It can be of more value as a traveling exhibition. There is a serious challenge going on with museums and their budget. They usually want a really expensive exhibition but can't afford it, unless they crimp on other less expensive exhibitions.

5) This became an opportunity for talented artists. If you package your exhibition correctly, numerous places across the country will pay to rent it at a very affordable price. The proceeds go back into the not-for-profit to grow the non-profit.

6) The images of your art can be placed on trinkets for sale at these exhibitions. Meanwhile the originals are under the family's control.

7) A couple of closing thoughts... Did the artist want to leave an art legacy? Do you have a family friend or family member who wants to invest emotional with passion needed for this plan to work? Can the family members wait for gains years and accept not reaping the benefits now? Can the heirs get along to make this work?

In my opinion, Ellsworth's images are very marketable. I live in Italy in an apartment above the famous deceased artist Sol Lewitt's SPOLETO art studio. A crew from Holland showed up this week to film a movie about his life.

Sol Lewitt passed the 8th of April 2007 and the filming began last week, April 2011. They are filming his study for this documentary. Based on this, I would suggest to his wife to get some film people in there when she is ready to start documenting his life's story. Call in some local camera people and newspaper when she is ready.